U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
