Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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