forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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