Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
then he tried to convert me to islam
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
