3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
