She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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