Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
