he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
