My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
