Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
