His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
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My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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