he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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