I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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