Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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