How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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