you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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