If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
