What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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