Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
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we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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