farters have to be the big spoon...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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