So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
