Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
