I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
