We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I could make wine with my vomit
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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