so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
