Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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