i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
