If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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