I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
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I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
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Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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