i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
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