you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
