I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
