I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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