Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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