PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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