I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
