i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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