My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
should my penis look like a turkey
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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