My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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