things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
