Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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