Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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