yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
