im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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