What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
