I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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