my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
