Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
