Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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