So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i think im in europe. pls send help
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
