well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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