call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
