so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am naked and annoyed.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
