1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
