He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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