His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
