she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
