I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
