God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
