I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
