i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
