It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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