STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
