Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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