she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Buhtt sex?
they need to just BURY HIM!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
