I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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