Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She bit a glass in half.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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