I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
