I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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