Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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