Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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