I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
