Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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