You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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